It’s normal for someone to be angry. In fact, anger is a well-recognised emotion, and if you’re feeling it, you are encouraged to express yourself. This is to ensure that such negative emotion doesn’t start to build up inside. However, when your anger causes you to hurt yourself or other people, or when you feel like you can no longer control it, then it’s a completely different story. Unless you are able to control it, it will surely cause your own destruction.
There’s no such thing as uncontrolled anger as long as you’re willing to regain self-power and overcome it. You can start with the following:
1. Acknowledge the reasons of your anger. The only way to get rid of your anger is to go to the root cause and deal with it. For instance, your anger toward your job may not really because you hate it but because it stresses you out. You may feel some hatred toward your wife because she’s always late when, in fact, you just don’t like the idea that she spends more of her time with the kids.
2. Count to 10. This takes a bit of practice, but it would definitely not be long before you get used to it. Counting to 10 doesn’t only mean that you should not easily give in to your sudden bursts of emotion. It also means that you are given enough time to think about the situation and ask yourself if there is really some reason for you to be angry. Before you know it, you will realise that it’s not something worth fighting for, and your anger has already dissipated.
3. Take a deep breath. You just don’t know how a one long breath can save you from hurting someone or finding an enemy. Usually, when you’re on the verge of anger, you experience of adrenalin rush, which then gives you a whole sense of power. Before you know it, you are already hurling invectives to yourself or to somebody else. Breathing can help keep calm your nerves and bring down your adrenalin down.
4. Focus on yourself. When you’re angry, make it a point to consider your own feelings rather than those of others. Practice the “I statements.” For example, express your frustration over your lack of time to finish a project rather than on other people’s lack of commitment to work. This way, you really don’t end up directing your anger to another person, and you can have more control over it since you only have yourself to think about.
5. Walk away. There are also others who would prefer to walk away before they can lose their ability to control themselves. You can do that too. If you feel like the entire discussion is turning to be a very heated argument and that you’re prone to be very angry, you can excuse yourself and go someplace else. This will give you and even the other person more time to relax and think about what happened. You can just talk about it when you are both aware that you can be adult enough to talk about the situation.